Bathroom Break

"uhsorrascuseme"

I bet you've said that.

You're on your way to the office bathroom when someone unexpectedly opens the door just as you are about to push it open. You're so focused on the bathroom that you haven't fathomed the possibility of an impromptu interaction. What are the chances that someone also uses the restroom?

You take that awkward stutter step because you no longer have the anticipated weight of the door to brace you, and pull off a nifty slide move to avoid the freshly relieved co-worker. (Remember always spin away, front on front passes are even more awkward!) But where are your manners? That's when your skills as a communication worthy human being cease to exist. That's when you say,

"uhsorrascuseme"

I use the word "say" loosely, because when you say something it is usually a word. What you've managed to marble out is the most politely garbled phrase your restroom paralyzed brain can come up with. The only thing worse is that you've managed to say it at quite possibly the lowest decibel level possible. A cross between a whisper and a secret, it's already left your lips by the time you realize what you are attempting to do.

Listen, it's not your fault. You've been caught off guard, you're trying not to fall over, not crash into someone, and not to do that awkward dance where you and the other person go right to left until someone makes a decision about which direction to go. Plus, you're trying to be courteous.

My advice. Plan ahead. That's how you don't get taken by surprise. Think of something you can say to shift the onus onto the person leaving the bathroom. Some suggestions:

1- "High Five"...risky because of hand washing, but fun because you'll probably shock them into giving you one.

2- "Free Candy" - everyone at the office likes free candy. By 4pm, all the coffee buzz has completely worn off and it's officially zombie land. The amusing part about saying, "Free candy," is the elated look on that other person's face. Bonus amusement is picturing how sad that person will look when they realize that there is, in fact, no free candy.

3- Hold the door - This is the strangest approach because 95% of the time, there is no point to it. The only really good time to attempt this is when everyone is about to leave for the day, a time when you are pretty much guaranteed a few people in the loo. The execution is simple. Just pull the door towards you for five seconds (this only works with non-swivel doors) and hold it closed. Anything more is kind of stupid. The point of holding the door plays on the fact that most people don't linger in the bathroom, especially when they can leave for home. So, if you hold the door and you block the person briskly attempting to leave, they get jammed up. The person briskly trying to leave behind them gets jammed up. It's like dominoes. They crash into each other. Now that's awkward. When they finally get the door open, play it off like you thought it was a pull door. No one is going to think you held the door closed on purpose. But you did. You jerk.

So take this advice and never get caught in an, "uhsorrascuseme" moment again.

High Five!