The First Follicles

Much news has been made of Bill Clinton's successful trip to North Korea and the release of Laura Ling and Euna Lee. There is much to this story that is still very unclear and it is sure to develop in the days ahead. To gain perspective on how this envoy procedure works, Arizona Governor and former envoy himself, Bill Richardson, was interviewed to enlighten us.

Enlighten me he did. Not regarding any of vagaries of the release of the two journalists from a military work camp. Nor speculation of possible topics discussed by Bubba and KJI. As I watched Governor Richardson wax political, I thought about his unsuccessful run for the presidency this past election. Something was very different. Sure he has some tax problems, but what potential Obama cabinet members don't. That wasn't it. Something was nagging me and I couldn't figure it out. And then it hit me: Awesome Beard Action!

Let's have a quick visual exercise.


Aside from the headlock, which I really have no problem with, I don't trust this guy.


Now this guy means business. This guy looks like someone that will get it done.

I can't help but think that if Gov. Richardson had rocked the beard, he may have fared much better in the primaries. Just a gut feeling.

As with many a man's theories, there are flaws to be found. Do you realize we Americans have not elected a face follicle fearless leader in a century. That's right. 100 years! That would be William Howard Taft. Since then we're run through seventeen baby faces. Seventeen uninspired opportunities to impose our manly might on the world.

You say a bearded man looks insincere? Tell that to "Honest" Abe Lincoln. Maybe you think mustachioed men are sleazy. I challenge you to say that to Teddy Roosevelt's face. Oh snap, that's half of Mount Rushmore!

It is strange how big of a shift has occurred. Starting with Lincoln and ending ten Presidents later with Taft, only Presidents Andrew Johnson (and it looks like he didn't even bother to shave for his official Presidential portrait) and William McKinley (who's facial hair could have potentially frightened Leon Frank Czolgosz out of the assassination attempt) everyone sported 'staches and beards. This included two awesome longhairs by Rutherford B. Hayes and James A. Garfield.

Since Woodrow Wilson became the Chief Executive, every whisker has been whisked away. Not even the Depression and a couple of World Wars could stop our leaders from lathering up. Why? I don't know. I suppose with the dawn of television, a clean cut man comes off as more wholesome and Americana. After all, all of our enemies, all the terrorists they have beards right?

If you haven't noticed, times are tough. We don't need smooth, we need strong. Enough of this hold your hand buddy buddy banter. Beards are bold. (Except the ironic hipster beard). Hockey players have beards! We need to go beard for beard with out enemies. The Beard can not be monopolized by the evil. We need to put on our hairy game faces and not back down.

You think our President is cool because he does the fist bump? Nixon was bumpin' fists with Zhou Enlai almost 40 years ago.


We've become too sanitized a people. It's time to get gritty.


Grow a beard you wimps!